Sunday, January 2, 2011

A Painful Look in the Mirror



Depending on your background you might refer to it as The Lord's Supper.  Or the Eucharist.  Maybe Communion.  Our church does so once a month.  Typically, four people are asked  to serve and at the appropriate time they walk to the front of the sanctuary,  two standing on the left and two on the right, each couple holding a loaf of bread and a chalice of wine.  This  morning before our worship service began, our pastor asked my wife and me if we would be one of the couples and we agreed to do so and then proceeded to take our seats as the service began. 

Our sanctuary is long and narrow.  Consequently, any movement or commotion is seen by all.  There is one guy who attends and obviously is  not of the same socio-economic status as most of us and simply doesn't fit in (you know, the kind that Jesus loves).  We had a guest speaker and he was delivering the sermon and the misfit who was sitting about three rows from the front and in the middle of the row decided to get up and leave the sanctuary.  He couldn't squeeze by several people so they had to stand up and let him out of the aisle.  He ambled to the back of the sanctuary.  He does this all the time.  Interfering and distracting.  I mumbled something silently and there was good reason for doing it silently.  The speaker continued.  A few minutes later the misfit (you know, the kind Jesus didn't judge) returned, but decided he wanted to sit in the very front pew.  He took his time and we all saw that he plopped himself down in the front pew.  Apparently, he became disenchanted with the view and wanted his former seat back, so he got up, walked back a few rows and the couple had to get up in order for him to resume his initial position. As the speaker continued I impulsively muttered--quietly but not silently--"Would you just sit down!"  (You know, something Jesus would say.)  The speaker continued and eventually completed his homily without further interruption.   And the misfit was now off my radar.

The time came to celebrate and honor the Eucharist.  My wife and I walked up front as did the other couple and two lines formed as the entire congregation waited to partake.  Slowly, one after another approached and as they took a piece of bread from my wife she said to each individual, "This is the body of Christ broken for you."  I, in turn, held the chalice and as each person dipped their morsel of bread I said, "This is the blood of Christ shed for you.  Go in peace."   I'm not paying attention to the line; I'm simply seeing the person who is now in front of me to receive the blessing, as one after another files by.  I find the misfit standing before me with his piece of bread in his hand.  As his eyes peer into mine I find myself ashamed and convicted of my judgmental attitude.  If I had possessed the moral courage I would and should have said to him, "I should be asking for forgiveness from you; you should be standing before me and I should be the one dipping the bread in the chalice you hold."  My cowardice and ego kept me from saying any such thing. Who was I to be administering this holy sacrament?  Who am I to cast myself in a superior role and look down on this person whom I regard as inferior?   


I could barely make eye contact with him as I said to him,  "This is the blood of Christ shed for you.  Go in peace."


You know, something Jesus would say.

11 comments:

Princess Fi said...

I love the painful honesty in this article!!

SJ said...

I don't get what you mean by misfit. It sounds quite snobbish to me. Not of the same sounds very prejudice. A story is very difficult to unfold when there are two sides. Is he socially inept, mentally handicapped, does he have a medical problem that means he has to leave as inconvenient as it is. Maybe Jesus could love him because he could understand him and wasn't stood on the other bank throwing stones.

alejandro guzman said...

So many of us judge another person before really knowing them. It is a human cross we all carry with us (something Jesus did).

It's good to see you see inside yourself and from that judge no more.

Steve said...

Princess Fi & alejandro, thanks for the encouragement. Change of heart and character seems dreadfully slow in the making.

SJ, I used some of those terms to emphasize the snobbishness and my inclination to prejudice that I realize is still entrenched within me. Thank you for reading and for your feedback.

Tim said...

Steve, You threw the stone, saw the broken glass and learned from it. What more would Jesus ask of anyone? You are a good man. I am certain that your Jesus expects only thoughtful and honest self reflection and amends. You did that.
I appreciate your story though. I find myself admonishing me for judging others too often.

Widow_Lady302 said...

OUCH! Yeah, I know that hurt. I have two things to say to this post, and I'll try to not make the comment a novel...

1. God does not make us wise by magic, he allows to become wise through our "mistakes" and "Misunderstanding" made whole in the light of his love.

2. The last thing you say to your babysitter before you leave, or the last thing you say to someone before going on a long trip is usually the thing you think is the most important thing they should know. "The emergency contact numbers are on the fridge." "I will be back soon, remember I love you."

The last thing Jesus said was, "This is my commandment: Love each other as I have loved you." It is the only doctrine we need isn't it. It is the simplest of commandments, and yet, it takes a life time of understanding and mistakes to really be able to follow it.

Love to you!

Bongo said...

To be able to look at yourself and see your inner demons..to see how you put them on others and then to turn around and face them is a courageous thing to do..the best part to know you want to change it.....We all judge, I do...we are human...and to see our falsies and be able to confront them and change them is what being Jesus with skin on is really about...Kudos :)

Steve said...

Tim, widow_Lady 302, and Bongo, thanks for sharing your obviously hard-earned wisdom. Peace on the journey.

Zach said...

I know who you're talking about, of course. He is a misfit, and he is awkward, and socially clueless. I think he's also desperate to be accepted and find friends, of which I'm pretty sure he doesn't have many. I would surmise that the reason he inserts himself into conversations inappropriately is that he just wants to talk to people, and doesn't know how to do it in a socially appropriate way.

That said, I appreciate your honesty and willingness to see the person behind the social ineptitude, Steve. I think too many people at church get hung up on this kid's annoying quirks, and lose sight of the fact that he just wants to be "part of the group."

The person in question is not easy to like or talk to. But if you, me, and the rest of Imago just be friends with the people that we naturally like or want to talk to, then what are we? Just some trendy social club with good music, better tattoos, and a mildly rebellious Christian theme.

Steve said...

But Zach! I'm into trendy, cool tatts, and being rebellious just for the sake of being rebellious. Don't burst my bubble, man.

Zach said...

Sorry, my bad!