Friday, May 28, 2010
Pyramid in Alaska??
Being technologically clueless, careless, and lethal, I couldn't get my camera memory card/shtick to download my pics onto my computer--a task your average 4 year old can do while napping. I took it and my camera to Walgreen's for them to download onto a cd. Or is it a dvd? I don't know. I asked the girl to put 'em on a shiny flat disc. She rolled her eyes and motioned me to the Depends aisle while she handled my order. She couldn't get it to download, either. I was frustrated yet relieved. This process took @ an hour as she kept trying to figure it out. While the machine was attempting to process my order she processed another customer's pics--a customer who left and would return later. She was scanning through his pics and was "ooh-ing" and "ah-ing." She motioned to me to come over and "check these out." Initially, I hesitated thinking I was invading some one's privacy and if I did join her and the customer were to return he might bludgeon me with my 24 count Depends box. However, curiosity prevailed over valor and the two of us observed some interesting shots of some one's European vacation. I didn't look very long at all, as my conscience was whispering, "hey, you little voyeur. . . " Ouch.
She joined me at my machine which had, by now, been processing for 40 minutes. She became frustrated and began talking to the machine, addressing it as "Dude." "Come on, Dude, what's the problem?" "Hey, Dude, could you go any slower?" I'm often asked both those questions and inquired to whom she was speaking. She assured me it was the "freakin', messed up machine, Dude."
Actually, she was very likable--a single young mom with a little boy, and trying to be responsible, doing the the best she can. She had lived in Alaska until she was 16, and moved here to be with some family, but is still missing Alaska very much. She began telling me all about rural Alaska and the rugged outdoors up there. She told me she used to play with baby wolves, and how at night you'd see the wolf eyes light up in the dark. She used to chase bear cubs for fun, until mama bear would enter the scene. I'm assuming mama bear then chased her not for fun, but for food. She spun some exotic tales. She talked about the huge moose and how--hang on--she and her friends would snowmobile between a moose's legs for thrills. And her buddy would take a stick and while going under the moose's belly he would 'tap" the moose's testicles so that the moose would then chase them. I have this involuntary habit of biting on my lower lip when I'm questioning the veracity of someone. I had lost 3 pints of blood by now.
She then asked me if I had ever heard of Alaska's pyramid. I'm thinking maybe there's a desert oasis in Egypt named Alaska. "Do you mean Egypt?" "No, Dude, I mean Alaska." I don't recall a lot of detail from here on because the Twlight Zone theme ditty was reverberating in my head. I do remember her telling me that there is an underground pyramid in Alaska that serves as a place of security if there is a threat posed to the office of the President of the U.S. She told that either Nixon or Obama had been flown and housed there on occasion. I was incredulous and nearly shouted, "Are you telling me there's a pyramid in Alaska??!!??" That's how I call someone a liar but never use the word and even state it as a question. She informed me that only residents of Alaska know about it and they aren't supposed to tell anyone else. Yeh, good luck with that policy, Dept. of Homeland Security. I can hear the indoctrination as parents and teachers shape the young minds of the Alaskan children. "I pledge allegiance to the flag. . . and I also pledge I will never say anything to anyone about (muffled snicker)-- the pyramid."
She swears it's true. And I believe her. Why would she make up something like that? In fact, it's so outlandishly bizarre that no one could make it up--it's gotta be real. The problem is I'll never, ever be able to have it confirmed or denied as fact. If it's false, the government will say it, indeed, is false; if it's true, you can bet the government will say it, indeed, is false. I guess I'll never know.
Do you know anything about it? What do you think?
In the meantime I'm going to be well on my way to quadrupling my income by investing in an opportunity she told me about. She took me aside and in hushed tones informed me that the Alaska Department of Good Folks is bequeathing money to non-citizens of Alaska. All I have to do is send an initial $10,000 to her, giving her my driver's license #, credit card info, my savings and checking accounts info, and within three months I'll be livin' the life. I can't wait.
If you want to cash in on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity today is the day. Simply send me $10,000. . .