Sunday, October 3, 2010

Life is Both/And, Not Either/Or



Life is good; life is gory. Life is exhilarating; it can be exhausting. People are delightful; they can be diabolical. My neighbor's dog is loved by them and loathed by me. Heaven is glimpsed in a sunrise; horror is revisited in the middle of the night. I laugh til I'm crying; I cry til I fear I'll never laugh again.

There is such anticipation I can't get to sleep; there can be such fear I'm afraid to go to sleep. I don't want this day to ever end; I dread what the next day holds. One day I'm atop the peak viewing awe-inspiring vistas; the next day I've fallen into a deep dark crevice and no one can find me.

It seems it was only yesterday they were making their promises; today they're filing their papers.

Yesterday I was sprinting; today I'm in a fetal position immobilized by apathy. Today a feast, tomorrow I may scavenge for crumbs. Today a dance, tomorrow a dirge. Today I feel I'm 20 again; tomorrow something shows up on an x-ray.

Babies are birthed, babies are aborted. The elderly are loved for their wisdom; too much hassle, the old are shipped off to a sterile facility.

The company needs you and bleeds you; the company gives you a plaque once you have no life left in you. Work is a waste; work is wonderful. There are days the eight hours fly; there are days when it will never end.

There are days when I can't wait to hear about it; there are times when I fear my friend will never shut up. Days when my hands are open, times when my fists are clenched. One day, words can be sweet and consoling; the next, swift to pounce and kill. The same mouth both bludgeons and blesses.

There is Mystery in the madness; there is Meaning in the maze. We are divine dust and there is magic in that mix. God is in it; God transcends it. If God were merely
in it, I might be comforted but I would have no hope for anything changing. If God is both in it and above or beyond it then I have faith that he is neither contained nor confined by it. Therefore, I endure the assault and enjoy the ascent.

There is the prospect of healing and hope not only when life feels heavenly but in the very hell of it all.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I sit in here in my room alone. Today I feel I've been bludgeoned to death, not blessed whatsoever, in fact was even told 'I don't want to be around you;. But "these is prospect of healing and hope...in the very hell of it". thanks for your words and help today.

Anonymous said...

Sorry previous comment was written in tears...I sit in here in my room alone. Today I feel I've been bludgeoned to death, not blessed whatsoever, in fact I was even told "I don't anything to do with you" (had I been told 'I don't want to be around you' seems like it would've been easier to hear? But "There is prospect of healing and hope...in the very hell of it". Thanks again for the insight.

Steve said...

I hope there will soon be peace within you and peace between you and the one who-- for the moment--doesn't want anything to do with you.
I hope and pray that soon those words of rejection will be mere faint echoes and replaced by words of strong affirmation.

TimothyNYS said...

Without the bad would you know the good? Without the gory and difficult there is no reference for warm and fuzzy. Without hell would you know joy? Feelings fall on a continuum from good to bad, if you will. And so much of it is merely perception. Something you perceive as hell may be everyday life to someone else. It's convoluted for sure, in my opinion. The following quote by Robert McCloskey hangs on my desk in my office: “I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”
Tim

Bongo said...

Tim I like the sign that hangs on your desk..it's so true..a lot for me...this blog tugs at my heart,, cause in the dark I don't see the other side that the light may again shine...but I love what Steve said at the end: There is the prospect of healing and hope not only when life feels heavenly but in the very hell of it all:)